Thinking of You

My eyes are closed

Avoiding the morning light

I stretch the stiffness from the night

I reach over to touch your soft skin

Only to open my eyes

Wake up to a morning

Where you’re not there again

I lay on my back with my thoughts running through

Wondering what you have been up to

I get ready for another day

Hoping in life im walking the right way

Every time im in my car

I think about how you are so far

Listening to music that reminds me of you

What else is on the radio?

I need to find something new…

Get out of these memories running through my mind

Back in the day when I was yours and you were mine

Back in the day where you were by my side

Holding hands, look ahead and sigh

Lil smirk here and there with the feeling of joy

So proud to have you as my boy

Now here we are apart

Getting off to a new start

I hope you are well

I hope your dreams come true

Know that I will always miss and love you

I have to get back to life

I will move forward

I will do great things

Because your love had so much to say

I know everything  will be okay

Don’t forget me

Don’t forget you

And everything our hearts are set out to do

I love you <3

More Than Just A Whore

Here I am

Once again

On my own

Feels like stone

I hate getting use to someone being there

Knowing one day it’ll all be clear

And once again i’ll be sitting here

In this place of fear

I know it’s wrong

I know im strong

But someday I hope I won’t have to be

A day where it won’t be just me

I hope someday I’ll find someone I can trust

And isn’t there just for lust

I hope someday he keeps his word

Instead of continuing this cycle of finding myself on the curb

He says “trust me”

“I’m not that guy”

But then he’s gets his fix and he’s gone in the blink of an eye

Is it me?

Could I have done more?

Have a really become just one thing in a man’s eye “a whore”?

It’s been this way since I can remember

Starting with the next door neighbor

Is this some kind of life purpose

Or just one of life’s curses?

Was there something I did to deserve the cards that were dealt?

Cuz why does that girl get to live her dreams on top of the hill?

I hope someday i’ll be protected

And no longer go through being rejected

Because I’m not done being “perfected”

I hope someday someone can look at me more than an object

And take time to reflect

And for once maybe connect

Rather than dealing with the neglect

And feeling as little as an insect

I guess there’s no reason

For me to sit here pleaden

Putting my hope’s in some hero

That will only rescue for a season

I’ll get my own ass off this curb

And not let another man touch these curves

I’ll do what I can

To make sure I need no help from no man

Try as you might

To break these walls of despite

But they ain’t comin down

I refuse to take the chance of this smile becoming a frown

Maybe just maybe there’s a mr. right

Trots in my life with a white horse and on top beholds a knight

But I’ll give it time

Let these wounds heal

And for a while let MY light shine

And let my body heart and mind

Be mine

Every Step Counts

Hope your graduation is today!

And I can’t help myself to say:

How proud I am of you

Who you are through and through

The love you share

The smile you wear

Even when life is not fair

Your arms open wide

Taking on life

I know you’re young

I mean heck you are only five

But I hope you continue to strive

You are my joy

I love you by my side

Taking on life’s ride

I can’t wait to see who you become

When I know you’ll shine like the sun

Every step with you is just such so much fun

So today let’s meditate as we dedicate and celebrate

This day to you

Because you are THE best!

And I will always love you through and through

* I dedicate this to my daughter, Hope. I wrote this for her pre-school graduation in June of 2012. It may seem small but every step counts. Her and I have been through a lot together the past 5 years and I am proud to see/support each step of her life. From opening her eyes, holding her head up, growing in teeth, rolling, crawling, pulling herself up, walking, talking, list goes on… Every step is beautiful and precious ! SHE is beautiful and precious <3

Broken Promises

You’re all there for a season

But for what reason?

You always leave

Leave me feeling empty and unseen

I sigh

Wondering why?

You had to say good bye

What could I not give you?

Why wasn’t I enough?

I shouldn’t have givin up my trust!

I gave you my all

I raised you up and you let me fall

I hope you find what makes you happy

Whatever that may be

I’m so damn angry

But hey its all good

Maybe one day ill learn

To be more firm

Stand my ground and not give in

Not let you know what’s within

Be more like you

Selfish and use

Feed you what you want to hear

Show no fear

And if I do who knows if it’s real

Won’t show you what I really feel

I’ll feed you bullshit

I’ll play pretend

And then once you let me in

I’ll be gone in a second.

Gone in Spain

I miss the trace of your face

Your eyes full of strength and grace

You went so far away

Don’t get me wrong the moments may feel long

And I miss you a ton but I hope you’re havin fun

I hope it’s a blast and the moments last

But eventually it needs to be time

When I can have you back in my arms and call you mine

I miss the times we shared

And I can’t wait and hope for the more memories we’ll have that won’t compare

I can’t wait to squeeze you so hard I take your breath

I’ll hold onto us until there’s nothing left